She told me to hold her phone for her in case you called. Me: The girl who dropped this phone is inside a flaming building saving orphans. Victor: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF THE ROLES WERE REVERSED? WHAT IF I JUST NEVER ANSWERED YOUR CALLS? I think maybe you need to re-prioritize and call me back when you’re less confusing and ready to apologize. Me: Well, that’s really the very opposite emotion to have when finding out that your wife is less-mangled-than-expected. I just turned the ringer off accidentally. I’VE BEEN WORRIED SICK THAT YOU’D BEEN MANGLED IN AN ACCIDENT. Victor: YOU HAVEN’T ANSWERED YOUR PHONE IN HOURS. I can’t just reach my phone immediately if I’m tied up. Maybe it was to make this drill seem more realistic. Me: Because maybe that’s why I wasn’t answering my phone. Me: That was me practicing what it would sound like if I was gagged and bound and finally answered the phone with my nose to tell you which abandoned warehouse I was stuck in. The 40,001st time I failed to answer my phone: Me: You should probably just say “Thank you.”
Victor: I…don’t even know what to say to that. Me: I didn’t hear it because I was too busy yelling at some idiot who claimed that you weren’t the most understanding and patient husband in the world. WHY DON’T YOU EVER FUCKING ANSWER YOUR PHONE WHEN I CALL YOU?
Conversation with Victor after the 40,000th time I failed to answer my phone:
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